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I'm not in love.....
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Time:11:02 am
Current Mood:sadsad
So... I haven't updated in a while....
And I'm really not quite sure what to say...
I almost feel bad for neglecting my live journal, but at the same time there is probably only one or two people on my friends list who actually give a fuck.
My mom relapsed... she smoked meth... and as of now is still drinking to help her with the withdrawls...
I feel like shit because my kitten died... and I like animals more than humans most of the time. This kitten was my baby... I trucked her around with me everywhere I went in my purse. I had to bottle feed her... but, she was the runt, so something in her was probably underdeveloped... Poor baby. I'm absolutely devastated...
Wow, I'm in a yucky place right now.
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Time:11:39 am
Current Mood:deviousdevious
Ha ha ha ha!
Look who is back!
Yeah, that's right!
It's me bitches!
I've gone and moved into a place with electricity... and get this... the internet!!!!
Wow... I'm moving on up.
I start work for MAC cosmetics in about... 9 days!
Oh yeah!

P.S.
Don't get too discouraged... you know who... the one with grins of favorite pills.
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Time:12:02 pm
Well... Aaron moves here in roughly three weeks.
Today he gives his two weeks notice to his boss.
I have been clean and sober for sixty-six days... this time due to will and not lack of opportunity.
I feel confused.
I feel as if I have to become the man.
As if I'm to assume to dominant position and "bring home the bacon" so to speak.
Being in a relationship with a man is hard... I never thought gender roles would be questioned.
I don't like catering to gender roles.
But, I must say this is hard.
I really miss my girl time.
I miss chasing after pretty girls that make me giddy.
I'm afraid I am with Aaron out of convenience.
I do love him.
A lot.
I'd just hate to leave him because of the final realization that I am a lesbian.
I'm just super fucking confused.....
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Time:08:33 am
I wish I had something to say...
But, I really don't.
I don't like how this feels.
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Time:11:27 am
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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Time:12:22 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE!!!

I hope you have the bestest birthday ever!
The bestest one ever, I say!!!


Ya herd meh?!
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Current Music:Marilyn Manson... Last Day On Earth
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Time:10:05 am
Current Mood:depresseddepressed
Well, here I am.
In Hawaii.
Liking it... but, hating the fact that I left some people behind.
I moved here because I didn't think that I had anyone in Vancouver. But, they say you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.
And now I know.
I'm glad I moved here because I do have shit that I need to work out. At the same time, I am really regretting my choice.
I was just starting to develop a genuine relationship with a good friend.
Aaron and I had just reconciled.
I was about to start school again.
I guess it all just came too late.
Aaron and I worked things out days before I left after he found out I was leaving. He cried... I cried... We both got really depressed... But, we both have shit we need to work out. So, maybe this time apart will help us become more solid people so that when I do come back we'll be better together.
I also deeply regret leaving Jada... I can't really explain how things were between her and I... I just know that our relationship was something true.

But, here I am....
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Subject:Moving to Hawaii
Time:05:41 pm
Yes, boys and girls...
I'm leaving.
Tuesday.
To Hawaii.
I have much unfinished buisness I need to take care of...
I love you all... please keep in contact with me.
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Time:11:44 pm

Oh yes... take note of my hotness when I was like... 13.
Pretty fucking average.
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Current Music:Johnny Cash... Boy Named Sue
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Time:04:09 pm
Current Mood:crushedcrushed
I hacked all my hair off....

-edit-
I just realized why I chopped it off... the day I hurt Aaron, he told me he like short hair.
He won't want me again, even if my hair is short.
I'm an idiot.
I didn't know I was doing it for him when I walked into the salon... I blame it on my sub-conscious.
Damn it! Now my hair is gone!
I want it back!!!!
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I'm not in love.....
View:Recent Entries.
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